write

hi! it's been a while.
Sometimes, the mundanes of life leave you in places you can't imagine yourself in. Like for myself, I can't imagine myself going through the motions of life, sometimes, not thinking, just do whatever others tell me to, but this is what I catch myself doing more and more often recently - just floating along. And when I realized that, it made me sad, doing the very thing I don't want to do.

So, these past couple of weeks, I'd been thinking a lot. Trying to live life in deliberation and intention, and not just go with the flow, based loosely on my emotions. To be quite honest, I'm quite happy with it so far,though, not that everything springs out to be perfect from this little decision, far from it, if truth be told. Some cold hard truths are hard to process and digest in actuality, however, I find myself being more critical in the way I think and govern myself. People who are close to me tells me not to be so harsh to myself, but TBH, I've never felt more real and authentic to my true self.
It's always been like mental tug-of-war, between the easier way and the right way, and in the past, I tend to gravitate towards the easier way, yet now, I value the fact that I'm trying to go the right way, which may have its fair share of undulations, sometimes you don't feel so good about yourself,  and you don't have to feel like you're on cloud nine at all time. That's OK. 

Cheers!